Cheating Myself

Why am I lying to myself:
I love you still.
I can let you go
but my heart refuses
to stop loving you.

What I received was hatred.
I know I deserved it
since I failed to say
that I only wanted to be a friend:
I fell in love,
I misunderstood you,
I could not see in your soul.

You saw in my soul
only when it was too late,
only when I was too close.
You had to chase me away
with bitterness and anger.

I became someone
you did not want to see.
I understand you well.

Now I can not stay near you.
I can not stand your eyes,
I can not stand your voice,
because they make me cry
and I know you hate to see me cry.
I can only stay away
until I learn to behave normally;
for a year,
for two years,
for three years…I don't know.

I wish I had a heart of stone
but it is not.
I rather face the pain and sorrow
than kill my heart.

I don't lie to myself: I let you go but I love you.

Wounds of Love